When did it stop being enough?

i look out my window
watching the seasons change
my children grow

my status in life is just right
my career on track
i volunteer for all the right charities
knowing that money is not enough
appreciating all that i have, i give and teach my children
to see the things that don't necessarily touch them

everyday, i challenge my mind
and my body
and take time
to make light of the day
and reflect
i have worked hard to find balance
and now ... there is none

looking in the mirror, i no longer see a little girl
but a woman with needs that can not
be filled without rocking everything i know

when did it stop being enough?

things my friends are repulsed by
and some can't even acknowledge exist ... draw me closer
dare i confide?
occasionally, i give them a glimpse of something
that sets me apart from them
and our quiet safe lives
i see them stare or watch closer
and find pleasure in shaking up that comfort zone

a secret life that is so luring that i risk it all?
for one quick touch ... that will make everyone take notice
for the commands that i find so calming
to be put on display as His
for that's where i have shifted ... am drawn, and belong

His gaze, His touch, my submission
finally that which was locked up inside of me
is unleashed
and found only in my giving up the power
i've taken so many years to gain
i look to Him for guidance, support
and to take me to the edge
further each time ... it's never enough

to O/our place that no one else can touch

but ... when ... when did it all stop being enough?

Author unknown





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