she's gone

you come home and you have that expectant feeling
and you don't hear her jump from the bed to come greet you
so you walk slowly down the hall like you used to, wanting to see her first
and there's no furball sitting up and waiting for you
no hello meorow for you

you sit in the empty apartment and remember her
and think of the goofy things she did
the way she walked through the spider plants
brushing up against them, instead of walking around
the way she walked around the carpet, not on

the way she begged for the chicken on the pizza
and got that 'i'm starving, so pitiful-feed me' look
and you'd laugh and give in .. of course .. always

the way she loved the window seat you got her,
when she was restless and you put her up there,
she'd curl right up and sleep ..
but with one eye open keeping an eye on you

how she'd come looking for you if you left the room where she was in
as if she needed your company as much as you needed hers

and her soft, soft silky soft fur .. and how she adored being petted
and made so much of .. and indeed, you always made much of her
she was your baby, your sweet kitten, your darling and you loved her

and yes, she did love you
remember how she stopped eating when you went away for a week
how she always gave that lil meorow when she first saw you
after you came home after being out for awhile

you read the poems that thoughtful friends send you
and you cry each time
and you say thank you
and you listen to their caring words
and you say yes, it was the right thing
and you accept comforting hugs
but you long for her ... need her companionship
only a cat, a furball, an animal
the only constant, consistent thing in your life for the last 21 years
the only one who gave unconditional love

she was the best cat, the best companion you ever had
even though you had cats since you learned to walk
she slept with you, licked your tears away when you were sad,
waited up for you and greeted you when you came home ... paced when you paced
and curled up in the sunshine with you on quiet afternoons,
nuzzled against your throat and lay on the book you were trying to read

and she's gone
you will not always cry and hurt like this ... you know that
but neither will you forget
the gold and green eyes, the soft fur, the silky ears she liked carressed
you will remember her and say her name often
she was a part of you and she still is a part of you
she's the breeze in the trees outside your balcony window now
the golden sunlight shining on the water
the gentle spring rains
when you wake in the morning's hush
she'll be there
when you look into the darkened skies
she's one of those tiny lil sparkles
she'll always be there ... in your heart and in your memories ...

but now .........
......... she's gone ...

August 28, 2002